Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Hush your voice before
   It carries mine away
Unlock your worn door
   If I could enter I may
And we should dance and I'd stay
(We need not talk per say)
(I'd swallow my bitterness if asked once more)
And to us the world would be a bore

In the golden delicacy of this state
   Now we wouldn't rest
Accept our faded intertwined fate
   then together we'll reach our crest
Here our love will be expressed
(It need not be professed)
(I'd listen, wherever to your stories may relate)
And you could pick us a final date

For whomever I may have been or will be,
And I know it was hard, but plain to see
That I will do my utmost best, to your heart's content
To you my heart and soul I've forever lent
Add a Comment:
Now this is sweet, and also surprisingly quite retro. When I read this piece it felt almost as if I was hearing a ballad, like whoever made this was singing to their significant other. I find that forgotten and ancient sentiment to be incredibly touching, true I am personally quite partial to the sentimental tones of such sweet words, but it's the manner of which it's presented that really gets me. Sometimes we tend to forget that sometimes the most simplest ways of telling someone we love them is in fact the best way to do so. We don't need fancy words, poetry or jargon of romantic speech. Don't get me wrong it's nice, but it's the heart that counts and that's why I like this piece.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

Gary-thedreamingpoet Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Nice work my friend, I thoroughly enjoyed this :)
NiallCloud Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks Gary :D
Gary-thedreamingpoet Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Professional Writer
Firey-Fox Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Student Writer
This is awsome! I like this piece ^_^
NiallCloud Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :D
Firey-Fox Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Student Writer
anytime ^_^
Add a Comment:

:iconniallcloud: More from NiallCloud

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
November 29, 2012
File Size
955 bytes


2 (who?)


Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.