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About Literature / Hobbyist Official Beta Tester Devin Niall21/Male/Netherlands Groups :iconthewritersden: TheWritersDen
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Deviant for 4 Years
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Girl with a shield  Finish by yalex
by yalex

The very first thing that draws the viewer's attention is, of course, the lovely woman sitting in the centre, her eyes fixed on the vie...



I'd love it if you could donate me points to purchase the Lady Of Shalott print (:



I don’t know if you ever think about me and if you cry like I do when I feel the void where a father is supposed to be. I wonder if you really meant to start over when I heard from you in June, just before Father’s Day. All those wondrous promises and I never heard from you in the six months after. Don’t you miss your son? Am I still your son in your eyes or do we just happen to share DNA? I know I don’t have a father, I only had a father up until I was 8 years old, I think. I don’t remember. I don’t recall when our paths divided, you with a woman you apparently chose over me, me growing up facing struggles I could’ve battled with a father by my side. You chose to marry her. You chose not to let me know. I had to find out by visiting my grandparents, your parents, by surprise, simply because I didn’t want the entire family to be there when I showed up. There they were, photographs of a fabulous wedding, and my grandfather had the audacity to tell me it wasn’t much of a big deal.

I choose to ignore your birthday and your family’s birthdays. I feel sorry for my uncle because he is the only one who shouldn’t be mixed up in all of this. I’d wish I could get to know him better, but that would mean I would have to get to know you better too. I blame you for not being there, and I don’t want to have anything to do with you any longer. You should’ve been there, and you can’t try to fix it when I’m already in my twenties. I blame you for trying to blame my mother for not doing anything, and for things she did, while those were exactly the things I asked of her to (not) do. You didn’t want to see that, though. You didn’t want to see your son electing to ignore you while you’ve been ignoring him for years.

Remember that time at the hospital? That time when my grandfather happened to be hospitalised at the same time as my mum? I tried to visit him when I thought you had gone away. I hid myself from you in the hallways, evaded you. When I exited the elevator and saw you walking about, I stepped right back in, closing the doors immediately. When the coast was clear, I stepped in my grandfather’s hospital room. I was so focused on my grandfather lying there that I didn’t see you sitting there with my grandmother and my aunt. Suddenly it was all about you and me, while my grandfather, your father, was lying there recovering from heart surgery. You proceeded to give me a hug, and I didn’t feel a thing. I saw my grandmother with a content smile on her smug face, thinking everything had been fixed right there. My visit was short, and when I returned to my mother’s room I told my stepfather I hadn’t seen you.

Où t'es? Papa, où t'es?
Où t'es? Papa, où t'es?
Où t'es? Papa, où t'es?
Ou t'es, ou t'es où papa, où t'es?

When one of my closest friends shared this song with me a year ago, this was exactly how I felt.

Faut l'sucer d'son pouce ou quoi?
Dites nous où c'est caché,
Ça doit...
Faire au moins mille fois qu'on a
bouffé nos doigts

“His fault is that he couldn't man up or what?
Tell me where you’re hiding!
I've waited countless hours.

And I’m done waiting. I still feel the pain every time I see a father with their child. I guess this gives a whole different take on “this could be us, but you playin’.” You could’ve been there when I first went to secondary school. You could’ve been there when I had a girlfriend for the first (and only) time. You could’ve been there when I graduated. You could’ve been there every time my mum was hospitalised, preventing my stepfather from verbally and emotionally abusing me. You could’ve been there when I went to university. We could’ve been celebrating Christmas together. We could’ve been there at each other’s birthdays.  We could’ve been listening music together; since my mum told me we have the same taste in music and I never knew. We could’ve been playing video games together. I could’ve been there helping you with the pharmacy. I could’ve been there when you got married again. It’s best to blame someone else while you weren’t trying hard enough, or trying at all, huh.

Up until this day, you’ve given me this pain, and it’ll never go away.
Never Go Away
This is personal.

Back I am again

Journal Entry: Sat Sep 29, 2012, 7:59 AM

Hi! Did you miss me?

Since I lost my notebook in which this summer's every poem & short story were written, I kind of lacked motivation to write again, but a writer or poet cannot deny his true calling. Therefore I (hopefully) amused you with today's submissions.

I have started my studies at the Radboud University Nijmegen, and I like it so far. I'm majoring in English Language & Culture if you were wondering. It seemed to best suit me and my interests.

I have started reading Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley's Frankenstein, and it's a novel I adore.

Now, if you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. Oh, and if you happen to come across any great poetry/novels/art which you think I'd love, please send it to me. READ AND BE INSPIRED BY ALL THE ART!

Tata for now,


  • Mood: Artistic
  • Listening to: Aidû - Eluveitie
  • Reading: Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
  • Playing: Free MW3 Steam weekend!


NiallCloud's Profile Picture
Devin Niall
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Hi, I'm Devin Niall and I'm 20 years old.
I live in Tilburg, the Netherlands. I've got this cute little dachshund as my pet =D Her name is Loeki. And uhm... Well, I write poems and stories, and I draw. I'm more of a writer though! If you want to know anything more about me, no need to be afraid, just ask me! ^^
Proud to be dA's 16,178,374th member. Deviant since January 8th, 2011. Premium member since July 4th, 2011, first three months given by Kamikazzie <3
Proud to be TheWritersDen's Founder, Co-Founder of EveryoneIsLoved and Contributor of VictorianParlour & InternationalFAQ
My friends/people I know (irl) on dA:
Dobby68 (doesn't have any deviations; it's my mom's account, just so that she can check me out once in a while ;) )
Amarantha-Moonglade (She doesn't have any deviations, she's inactive)



My groups:

:iconthewritersden: :iconvictorianparlour: :iconeveryoneisloved:

Current Residence: Tilburg
Favourite genre of music: Metal, Folk, FOLK METAL
Favourite style of art: Anything that involves fantasy or anything Celtic. Also obsessed with anything Victorian.
Operating System: Windows 7 Home Premium
MP3 player of choice: Black iPod Classic, 160 GB
Personal Quote: Achja, da hedde welles hè! Translated: Ah, well shit happens

What kind of store would interest you most? 

14 deviants said A bookstore, mmh, love to read!
5 deviants said Electronics/media/gadgets shop. Got to love Skyrim.
3 deviants said New Age shop, ah, tranquillity. *-*
2 deviants said Meh, indifferent.
2 deviants said Combination of the above (please comment)
1 deviant said Supermarket, food, food, FOOD!!
1 deviant said Other (please comment)
No deviants said Furniture, always on the lookout for a better chair!
No deviants said Clothing! I want to get the perfect outfit for THA party!


NiallCloud has started a donation pool!
310 / 5,000
Points balance: 48

Last update: September 30, 2012 12:39 PM GMT+1

Need points so I can give them away -OR- to save up for a premium membership to give away!

What I have done with the points donated so far:
:bulletred: Given 1 month premium to realtimeartist for his birthday
:bulletred: Given both realtimeartist and Jubasrocks a cake badge for their birthdays.
:bulletred: Given points to various deviants for their support & great art!

You must be logged in to donate.
  • :iconskywishes19:
    Donated Mar 4, 2013, 1:24:11 PM
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    Donated Aug 30, 2012, 11:35:46 AM
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Gingersanps Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome! I am a dummy! Thank you so much for joining :iconart-zone:!
We hope you have an awesome time with us! Love
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KhajiitSawyer Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you very much for Fav!
(1 Reply)
UnThai Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

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BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2013
Thanks for the watch!
(1 Reply)
hanajack96 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey!!! It's ~animecutie2010! I lost my account info, so I made a new one!
mewh2 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ok ehm.. ik weet dat je mij niet kent.. maar ik vroeg me af hoe het met Regi gaat...
(oh god ik lijk wel een stalker)
want ik kan hem nergens meer vinden ;_;
(2 Replies)
skywishes19 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Student General Artist
Happy birthday!
(1 Reply)
realtimeartist Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday
(1 Reply)
TristenCoy Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Student Photographer
Happy Birthday Devin!! :party:
(1 Reply)
Gary-thedreamingpoet Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Professional Writer
Have a brilliant birthday my friend :)
(1 Reply)
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